I realize the church is my life. I couldn’t imagine staying home on a Sunday morning because it is expected of me to enter into the house of God ready to praise and worship Him. But why? Why do I serve God? What has He done for me to warrant my time? It’s simple for me-I owe Him my worship because He is the reason I’m still sane.
I was introduced to sex at six years old. Molested until the age of 13, sexual invasion was a norm for me. Sprinkle in physical and emotional abuse, I represent the recipe for a lost child. But when I turned seven years old, a salesman knocked on my door and sold my mother a Bible for $2.00. She gave me the bible which had words in red. I could not watch television so most of my time was spent reading. Inside of a room is where I spent most of my time reading the red words in that Bible. At first, it didn’t make sense but what else did I have to do? Then the stories became interesting and unrealistic, I must admit. I was living with an enemy in my own house and this book was telling me to love my enemy. But then, the red words told me to do good to please God and it showed me how I should pray. That’s when God became my imaginary friend and I started to attend church with a neighbor. It was funny because church was the only place I was really permitted to go. It was a Pentecostal Church and the singing, dancing and shouting made me feel good. They believed in talking to God too.
I was praying that God would destroy my enemy but nothing happened. I prayed faithfully and kept reading my Bible trying to find comfort in the fact that ONE DAY, God was going to “get” my enemy. I had hope, faith and I believed that eventually my enemy would be destroyed. Yes, I was still suffering but something inside of me said to keep going, keep pressing, don’t lose hope. Something inside of me convinced me that I would not suffer always. So I prayed, and I read, and I worked hard in school knowing that the moment I turned of age, I would leave my horrible existence and be blessed for the remainder of my life.
What began as something kids do (creating an imaginary friend), I found myself distressed when I did not talk to God-I shared every detail of my day with Him as if we were chatting on the phone. Things changed when I graduated from the 8th grade and life got better. Of course I had some challenges but nothing compared to those 7 years of extreme hardship. I found myself spending less time with God as things progressed in my life, but I always maintained a relationship. When I hit the pinnacle of success in my life, I realized I owed my sanity to God. I was 30 years old married with 2 children, wonderful career and a hefty salary. It was at that moment, I realized HE was my best friend-the first one I wanted to share my day with and the last one I wanted to talk to before going to sleep. Then 9/11 happened and my life was turned completely upside down.
After 9/11, my life was in a complete spiral downward. However, people did not know what hardships I endured because I took my issues to the Lord, just as I did as a little girl. You see, the biggest lesson I learned as a child was not that I would not endure tribulation or hardship, but that I was not alone in my suffering. I knew God was with me because if He wasn’t there, I would not be here. So when major hardship knocked on my door again, I had experience and history with God. If He kept me before, He would keep me again. There were times that I thought God had forgotten about me, but then I went back to the red words. Those red words comforted me. Those red words encouraged me. Those red words gave me hope that things HAD to get better. Those red words helped me maintain my sanity. So, I serve the Lord because those red words have been my lifeline. They have eased my pains in my greatest moments of weakness and they have given me the strength day to day.
I serve the Lord because I believe in those red words-they have life and they are TRUTH.
